31-year-old woman refuses to offer her spare bedroom to her friend who's being kicked out and becoming homeless: 'I do feel bad, however I don’t feel responsible to offer my spare room'

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 5, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

Are we responsible for our friend's mistakes?

There's a fine line between helping someone and enabling them. I've been in situations myself where friends of mine acted stingy with their stuff. In those cases, helping out wouldn't have been a way to enable me, but I understand everybody draws the line in a different place. This woman seems puzzled about the way she acted towards a friend of hers. Was this genuinely a friend needing her help at a very specific moment, or was it more like an ongoing dependence pattern displayed with multiple people in her life? Was she right to say no?

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  • woman sleeping on a couch
    via hosein solimani

    A model representing the homeless friend

  • AITA for not offering my spare bedroom to my ‘friend’ who is getting kicked out and becoming homeless?

    Hello Charlotte. You queen. I 31F brought my house in 2017 and have made it my sanctuary. It's a tiny Australian cottage style home and trust me, it's tiny. I have property and over time have purchased cute hobby farm animals
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • which fill up my day. Me and my husband live together happily and like our own space in the country. Now to the tea. I do like to organise the occasional morning tea at my little. farm house. Friends and
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • family love it out here away from the chaos. My friend 26F let's call her Courtney is always invited to these events. Over the last 8 months she completely ghosted me. I texted her every now and then to see how she was. Very little
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • response- just chit chat. I reached out to see how she was and if she wanted to catch up. We organised a day. I got everything ready on my deck with chairs, tables and some morning snacks. 10 mins
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • passed... no show, 30mins passed still no show. No message no text. Just silence. I texted, called with no answer. Two days last she messaged me saying she asked her boyfriend to text
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • me saying she couldn't make it. I did feel upset as I was worried something bad happened. She then texted me asking if her, her new boyfriend and 2 large dogs could move into my spare room as all their other friends
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • Cheezburger Image 10644066048
    via Katie Wallace

    A photo depicting the homeless friend with her boyfriend and her two large dogs

  • Sometimes, in refusing to help someone, lies the key to actually helping them. It seems to me that this friend has a problem with her independence, and every time someone lends her a hand, it feeds the cycle. When her main source of help collapses, she blames them for the fall and starts looking for someone else to latch on to. I know this sounds rather perverse, and she might be a cool person all in all, even though she probably has this way of handling things. Being a victim is a full-time job.

  • have children, and they are getting kicked out of their sisters house. I messaged her saying that's horrible news and asked why she was getting kicked out. She said her sister is heavily preg int and they
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • are putting too much stress on their relationship. "So she wants to come do the same to my relationship"? She said. that she will even come sleep in a swag as they have no where to go.
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • I do feel bad for them, and especially with how expensive rentals are it's almost impossible to find something cheap. I work full time and I cherish coming home to my little slice of heaven. I didn't respond to her message.
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • She had since blocked me on all platforms and blocked my number. I do feel bad, however I don't feel responsible to offer my spare room. Tell me charlotte AITA I need your words of wisdom.
    via sassypantsmcgee-23
  • white painted wooden house at rural area
    via brit gainer

    A representation of the Australian cottage where the woman lives 

  • Everything can become very entangled if she actually needs help for a determined amount of time and is planning to get back on her feet soon, but something about her bringing her boyfriend and her two large dogs everywhere she goes tells me that’s not the case. It all sounds a bit entitled to me; you can’t expect someone to host you and three other people just like that. Maybe the friend should rethink her strategy and not live with her boyfriend until she can afford her own place. Maybe they find hosts more easily if they search separately.

    To sum it all up, the entitlement, the blocking, everything. I think the woman was right not to help her friend this time. Of course, nobody deserves to be homeless, and I even think that if the friend asked again, but only for herself and with a better attitude, she would get what she wanted. Sadly, she disappeared, but well…

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friendship friends toxic relationship
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